Right...Back To Square One, Anyone?

[mosespa]

Sorry that I have not contributed to this thread much past the initial idea, but I recently started a new job and have been kind of adjusting to/focussing on that. But hope to get back to musical things very soon (hopefully this week!).

No sweat, dude...there's no deadline yet.

[moom]

So Sean... still enough place to join this project ? I'm really in a songwriting mood these days

[mosespa]

There's still room. Just remember to please keep your material within the format we're operating in right now.

It's discussed throughout the thread.

[moom]

Sure

[cwta eugene]

Ok, you made me do it, people. Nobody emailed me for my lyrics, so now you have to hear ME sing my song. This is just what I came up with, and my hope is that some of you will think "this is so bad, I've got to save his song" and you will quit leaving me to my own devices.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/l24nl0

[cwta eugene]

Here is a new song I'm working on reminiscent of something on The Final Cut-

I went to sleep in a nice, soft bed
He awoke on an old thin cot
And while adjusting the pillow beneath my head
That soldier went out and fought

And while I heard nothing but crickets sing
He could hear the cannon's fire
And felt the vibrations they would bring
As each moment was felt more dire

And as I dreamt of my smiling children
He saw kids lying upon the road
Bloody, battered, badly beaten
From the latest land mine to explode

And though supposedly we'd already won
When we captured and hung Saddam
They never told the guy beneath the sun
Who was planting those road side bombs

And while I lyed, that soldier died
And while I lyed, that soldier died

[Hudini]

Not bad at all, again, although the politics in the song are just a bit black and white to me.

You should really start working on all of the lyrics for this concept.

[Zarquon]

Some of the lyrics for this release need to be simpler if it is to be as good as it can be. You cant successfully do an entire album just in the heavy 'Waters-political-emotional' lyrical style in my opinion. Songs like On the Turning Away deliver just as strong a message with simple lyrics, or abstract lyrics such as Us and Them:)

[cwta eugene]

Some of the lyrics for this release need to be simpler if it is to be as good as it can be. You cant successfully do an entire album just in the heavy 'Waters-political-emotional' lyrical style in my opinion. Songs like On the Turning Away deliver just as strong a message with simple lyrics, or abstract lyrics such as Us and Them:)

I completely agree. Infact, the lyrics to "One More Night In New York City", which I posted earlier in this thread, are more reminscent of "Summer '68" "Stay" and "One Slip" than anything Waters did. I know I mentioned Waters with the song, but it really could have been about any of them.

And thanks for the critique Hudini, have you got any ideas on how to make the lyrics a little more "grey"?

[Hudini]

And thanks for the critique Hudini, have you got any ideas on how to make the lyrics a little more "grey"?

Well, I'm a bit busy with my work (not musical ) at the moment to think something up, but I'll see what I can do.

[moom]

Let's see if I can help, this is my edit

Here is a new song I'm working on reminiscent of something on The Final Cut-

I went to sleep in a nice, soft bed,
He awoke on an old thin cot
With a father's shotgun by his head
That soldier went, shot and fought.

And I heard nothing but games and bread,
He could hear the cannon's fire,
Felt the vibrations next to his head
As each moment was felt more dire.

And as I dreamt of my smiling children
He saw kids lying upon the road
Bloody, battered, badly beaten, -
The latest landmine took all hopes.

And though they say we'd really won,
We showed Saddam & Co what for,
They'll never tell the guy in the sun
He's free to go home, sweet home.

And as I laid down, the coffin rode in,
Now I'm lying here, but I know who's in.

I'd call it "(I know) Who's in" .

[cwta eugene]

Very Nice, Moom! How 'bout some more? Let's get the ball rolling.

[nosaj]

Vaguely, Pete Townshend's Psychoderilict album reminds me of your concept here...the character is a "washed up" musician, there is dialogue...etc.

I like the concept you all are working with.

[moom]

Very Nice, Moom! How 'bout some more? Let's get the ball rolling.

Yeah

Thanks, nosaJ, i'll check that album

[moom]

Inspired by both early Genesis and The Final Cut. It has little rhymes, but it has a metre .

Flowing through my heart

1.
Flowing through my heart
A red wine of bitter
'nd an aspirine of relief.
1a.
Darkness in the eyes
'nd images inside it.

bridge:
Tryin' to forget what I got, and I got a newsletter with words written in a deep sorrow.

2.
Nobody calls me
Since the judgement days.
Am I forbidden
or
2a.
Am I alone 'nd
Everyone's gone?

bridge:
Got a newsletter, I don't from whom. I don't where to go, now that the doors are closed.

Chorus:
A sip of of a light gin may unlock my mind
In the bar on the corner with blue neon signs.
Will someone try to listen to rubbish I say
Mixed with truths of my life, and when I leave pay
For me?

3.
Tonight I am heavy,
Head light in the clouds,
I'll throw out the TV.

3a.
Away with the memory,
Everything's gone.