Thanks for the feedback. The french horn melody, to my ears now it's been a while, is horrible. It has to go. The bassline and chord sequence of that one has some bits that aren't too bad, so I think I can do something with the piece overall. The fake guitar solo has a few bits that aren't too bad, but I want to extend it further and make it more like a solo. Overall it needs better phrasing, and the motion shouldn't be so often stepwise. For that fake guitar one, I think I want to make what's there a B section, and add a massive chord + guitar A section. However, it's difficult to do massive chord + guitar without sounding too much like SOYCD Pt 1, Marooned, or Castellorizon.
My strategy for this project would be to write lots of sketches, and then choose one or a few to progress further. I guess from Hudini's reaction, the clavvy one is one to progress further. I want to make some detail changes to the bassline to put a bit more variety in. Not really change the bassline, but e.g. there's one bit that goes down to a low C, and I think it should occasionally jump up to a higher C as a surprise. I'm thinking that I want to end the second repeat of the second bit on a 'surprise' chord (not obvious diatonic) possibly pivoting into a different key for a bridge.
Note: as a person, I think I respond well to negative feedback. Rip what I do to shreds, it'll benefit in the long run.
EDIT: The previous lyrics for 'It's Not You' were a falling out of love song, but PF don't really do these. The following is another attempt at lyrics for It's Not You, attempting to be a bit Final-Cut-ish. I like the more abstract imagery of the last bridge, but it doesn't fit with the song. I want to add one more verse that links that back. BTW: I imagine the 'Mmmm.... It's not you' bits to have different melodies depending on which part of the verse they're in.
Code: Select all
It's Not You
------------
Who bathes in a warm glow of truth?
Mmmm... It's not you
Who gives hope to the old and the youth?
Mmmm... It's not you
Smooth scripted words
Their meaning unheard
All shiny silk suit
And black leather boots
Mmmmm..... It's not you
Who brings peace to the burned lands of war?
Mmmm... It's not you
Who cures pestilance, famine, and more?
Mmmm.... It's not you
A latter day Nero
Paints himself as a hero
The world slowly burns
But the crowd never learns
Mmmmm..... It's not you
Who's the savior that we all need?
Mmmm.... It's not you
Who'll stand against corruption and greed?
Mmmmm..... It's not you
It's the death of the day
For those who can't pay
Its gold for the best
Cold steel for the rest
Mmmm.... It's not you
Who rules fairly and wisely alone?
Mmmm.... It's not you
Who will live on forever in stone?
Mmmm.... It's not you
(guitar solo)
A magician counts numbers and ends with five perfect squares
An artist paints shapes of ghosts descending the stairs
A soldier stands silent alone on a hill with his gun
Lovers who used to be two have now become one
Who is all of the former and more?
Mmmm.... It's not you
Who's an ignorant son of a whore?
Mmmm.... (pause) That'll be you
EDIT (again): This is a quick sketch of music for 'It's Not You'. In this case I've tried to go for a DSotM feel. The chords were originally Major/Minor 7ths, and that's the wrong feel. I've worked a bit on the chord voicings a bit, but it sounds a bit 'happy' still.
https://clyp.it/xmqqzjti
EDIT (again): I was just curious about mega-synth chord tracks with guitar. As mentioned before, randomly playing guitar over a chord sounds like anything else. Having, for complex reasons, been discussing the diminished fifth interval yesterday, and having found my partner playing a computer game with a very ambient soundtrack when I came home a short while ago, I made the next little tracklet:
https://clyp.it/2peedjlg There is a hint of the diminished fifth, and I'm pleased with what I've done with the synth drone. It's made from the same instrument recorded three times playing different things. A loud basic bit in the middle, and two copies of the same instrument playing different things quietly left and right. In my opinion it sounds OK and doesn't to me sound too much like yet another SOYCD clone. The second half features a 'guitar' theme that cannot be claimed to be a steal from SOYCD because my theme has six notes while SOYCD's theme only has four!

I was thinking about this piece. It's a minute long. Rather than extending it further, could it fit in somewhere as a short interlude? Finished off of course.